Managing Your Finances in a Zombie Apocalypse

Zombies are everywhere these days. You can find them eating people on Florida highways and chowing down on their roommates at Maryland colleges. In case the zombie pandemic reaches your town, it is important to have your finances in order so you can respond appropriately.

Your Money is Worthless

I hate to say it, but if there is a serious zombie apocalypse, your money is worthless. Banks will close. Your online accounts will stop updating, your cash will be as valuable as the paper it is printed on. That’s it.

Your retirement accounts, bank accounts, and investments are all worthless. The systems supporting them have ceased to exist, so you have to take a more survivalist approach.

Real Estate

Good real estate is going to be a huge asset during the zombie apocalypse. It provides you with shelter and a first line of defense from a zombie attack.

Your home may not be the best place to stay, but since most people are zombies now, you can go find a new one for free. It might be best to find something farther out of any cities, as there will be fewer zombies there trying to eat your brains.

The best place to stay will be somewhere that you can easily fortify and stock lots of weapons. You want minimal entry points but multiple exit points. You most likely will not be able to get power, so lighting and cooking need to be taken into account as well.

Some may argue that moving around is the safest plan, but when you are outside, you are exposed and vulnerable. Make sure to steal a big car like a military Hummer or large truck if you are on the go.

Food and Water

In the midst of zombies trying to eat you, you will need to eat as well. Convenience stores and grocery stores will have a large stock of canned foods and bottled water. Make sure to get as much as you can early on, as other survivors will have the same goal.

For clean water, you can also find water purifiers and filters at sporting goods stores. The staff for those stores will be zombies, so you can get those for free.

Clothing

It is important to wear comfortable but heavy duty clothing that will allow you to carry anything you need but still move around easily. Your best bet here is to visit a military surplus store. There, you can find military issue clothing with plenty of pockets. As a bonus, you will also find important tools like camping stoves, knives, and other survival gear.

Weapons

While your strategy should be avoiding zombies at all costs, you will inevitably cross paths with one at some point. You have two options, fight or flight. Getting away is generally the ideal situation, but if you are stuck going head to head with a zombie, you need the right weapons.

First, you should try to find a short barrel shotgun. While these are illegal today, the police will be zombies so you don’t have to worry about it. This type of gun has a lot of firepower, does not require great aim, and is easy to carry.

You should also keep a handgun on you at all times. Don’t try to be a badass with a long barrel magnum revolver, find something compact and practical like a semi-automatic handgun that allows you to carry multiple clips for quick reloading.

Also, cricket bats are pretty sweet to bash zombies with. Not practical or safe, but it was hilarious to watch in Shawn of the Dead.

Your Zombie Tips

What did I miss? What would your priorities if zombies took over? Please share your thoughts in the comments.

Image by Xuilla / flickr

12 thoughts on “Managing Your Finances in a Zombie Apocalypse”

  1. we are not as prepared as we used to be- the guns went to go live elsewhere due to the adoption process. But we have a defensible house, ways to cook by propane, diesel cars which can generate electricity (and have regular 110v outlets) and a number of hammers. We don’t yet have a good axe, but C keeps looking…

  2. Don’t forget to stock up on BATTERIES of all shapes and sizes! Can’t run generators- the noise will attract Walkers…

    Love ZOMBIE posts!

  3. TB at BlueCollarWorkman.com

    Eventually water filters will go bad from being used so much, so after getting as many of those as you can, try and get iodine tablets too. They make water taste rank, but at least it’s not full of bacteria and stuff. They can be your last resort after your water filters go bad.

    1. One perk of the zombie apocalypse is that you can get as many free filters as you need. Any big city should have a virtually endless supply of non-staffed sporting goods stores.

  4. Andrew @ 101 Centavos

    Good garden tools can do double duty as zombie deterrents. Think shovels, square spades, axes, digging forks, and ice scrapers. Come to think about it, Ving Rhames’ character in 2012: Zombie Apocalypse favored an eight-pound sledgehammer for zombie disposal.

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